He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i now understand why vodka
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
