I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
