Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
