is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
