Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
