Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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