I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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