she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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