I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
