just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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