I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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