Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
