First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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