So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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