Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
