im about as happy as oj after his trial
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
