what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
