Small penises have feelings too.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
