Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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