they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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