My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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