so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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