Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
