yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
