are you still at the devil's house?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she pinky promised me she was 18
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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