this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
