the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
