I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
