We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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