that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
