It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
