she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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