no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
