hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
