So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
