Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
