I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
