who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
