I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
