Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
