i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
