RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
