I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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