Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
