Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
