I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
