Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
