Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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