you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
