This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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