She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
