Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
