I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
