I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
