; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
